By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
