i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
