Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
