Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
