we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize