I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
It was confusing and full of hummus
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I think people are normalizing furries
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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