We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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