Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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