OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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