I bet he comes in French.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
