Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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