omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
