I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
