The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
