I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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