Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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