it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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