i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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