My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
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