Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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