That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I showed him my bush... on skype.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
