so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
