i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
