I'm going to jail i love you
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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