matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
