I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
