so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
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