He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize
