I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
