Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
