please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
