You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
