did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
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