If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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