She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
