First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
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Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
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We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
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