People in love make me want to vomit
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
