Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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