Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
