Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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