If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I want to fling myself into the sun
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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