can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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