WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
