Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
