would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
