i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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