Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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