Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
