Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
