She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
