I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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