Sry I called you an 8
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
