so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
