I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
