I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
sex in a hospital.. check
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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