I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
