You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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