Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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