I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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