Will you blow on my dice?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
