Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
