My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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