Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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