dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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