Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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